SEC17 WK:#3: large and small families, likes and dislikes
Where I come from children are not 'taken' to secure the parents of a good old day. Most parents are active and try to, finally, live their life. They do not share their home with one or two generations. The average house is not built to house many people next the fact it isn't allowed.
.jpg)
My grandparents had many siblings, over 12, and I doubt it was a burden. It's not that the mother was more busy since each child had his/her task next to school and children took care of themselves.
I see the same with my friend (12 children, grandchildren) but noticed with her those children are loud, most of them show no respect and there's never a silent moment. I know a few of her children suffer from the lack of privacy, always giving a hand and never having a moment of silence. By now my friend suffers from it as well. I am not saying a life with many children is killing since what is lacking here is structure, rules, and some discipline to keep the peace. It makes me uncomfortable to be in between people always yelling and screaming.
If my friend stays at my place she always says it's so nice and quiet. It's not that my children are tiptoeing through the house but from character and interests also if it comes to self-esteem and taking care of themselves they are the opposite. My children know how to keep themselves busy, have many interests and are vulnerable to atmospheres (bad vibes).
I could say an only child is easier but it will not if it's a spoiled demanding and always needs to be served. I know during my childhood and also a few of my foster children were that way. I always told them that who does not work will not eat from day number one and I never had a problem with any child the parents complained about. The same counts for my friend's children they behave differently if staying with me without siblings and parents. They are creative, read, are attentive and do not feel the need to shout.
I don't think it should make a difference if one child or more. What counts is that those living in one house are family and get along with each other. Family should be supportive and invest time in each other. As a parent it's important to notice if a child feels unhappy, is holding in, needs more (private) space, or support. On the other hand, children should notice and respect as well a parent needs room to breathe. Some privacy and can't always pay attention.
I taught my children from the age of two years old that mom had to read for an hour in the morning and they had to keep themselves busy (with a book preferably not eating it). It worked out fine and after that hour I gave my full attention to my children. Once they visited school my attention is for them if they arrived back home.
My children are not there to give me a better life or to provide for my needs when old. It's not what I will ever ask from them or expect. They should live their lives and try to be the person they like to be.
Since their only family are their siblings and the pets I hope they will stay close and support each other if needed. My children have quite an age difference (the eldest could be the parent of the youngest two) which means they didn't all grow up together but they know where to find each other and who to ask in times of need. We still celebrate together if we all are around and share what keeps us busy.
Just like me, my children are introverts and anti-social, no party animals. They rather be alone than be surrounded by fake friends. Having siblings, and family, and understanding why is a plus. There's no need to explain and they can be themselves without the need to keep up appearances.
I have no advice if it comes to one child or more children. All I can say is children will not make you complete or happy and are rarely what you expected (let alone once they are adults). They are no copies. Next to that, it takes a lot of money to give them all they need (or the government expects you to pay for).
I always said if I could do it over I would only go for one child as a single mom and I would never get married. If I had to make the choice today I would not go for children of my own. The way the world looks like, the wars, it's not where I want to raise my children they deserve a safe, better life. I don't want them to live in fear and stress and all we can do now is making the best out of it.
Depressions in children just like suicides are increasing. The fact parents have hardly time for their children is one of the reasons next to the lack of physical contact with children/people who feel safe.
I know I cannot be a full-time mom only, I need a life for me, one with as little as worries (about the well-being of my children) and this means the wisest choice is to give up on children.
My children know what I mean, they are not unwanted and loved so there's no need to worry.
Contest hosted by @steemkidss
@eveetim @seancyril @sbamsoneu @nsijoro
Header/Photogrid: Canva
Photo/s: taken by me
16-4-2024
I am a mobile phone user only
I upvote comments and (good) entertaining stories. @hive-169911 is my hive (community). I will grow its SP to upvote stories only. Please, do NOT post in it!
If you wrote something good you can tag me, original (no AI-written) stories/tales only. You do not need to join a club to be read and upvoted and you can post wherever you like. I suggest the freewriters or @hive-107855 the Dream Steem. Use the tag # story
Happy Writing @wakeupkitty
#steemexclusive #steemkidsnparents-s17w3 #club100 #kittywu #holland
Thank you, friend!
I'm @steem.history, who is steem witness.
Thank you for witnessvoting for me.
please click it!
(Go to https://steemit.com/~witnesses and type fbslo at the bottom of the page)
The weight is reduced because of the lack of Voting Power. If you vote for me as a witness, you can get my little vote.
https://x.com/wakeup_kitty/status/1784295350074818929
Hi, I agree with many aspects, it's nice when people can make their own decisions, how sad if not. The important thing is that if the person decides to bring children into the world or decides to adopt them and form a family, accompanied by the father or not, that they are clear that they will not be their company all their lives because people sometimes do that and cling.
And you have to educate your children, for me tranquility at home is fundamental, I do not like those scandals, whoever comes to disturb I fire him at once haha and the kids are accustomed to the quiet environment, not that we can not argue, of course we can but talking we understand each other haha, See you soon, nice storytelling.
People can indeed be very clinging and claim all your time. To me the idea of raising children is to teach them as much as possible so they can stand on own feet. Make their own deciscions, carry responsibilities and are responsible for their iwn deeds.
I want a peaceful environment at home too. I always told my children if they can not say it to write it down. The youngest made drawings.
I often wonder about these scandals within one family how children can behave in such a way. Yesterday my eldest showed me a video of 4 teenagers stealing the truck of a father. The father wanted these children be punished the police did not. In the end two parents refused to take their children back in the house. They had it with their children. How sad is that?
Thank you for reading and commenting.
A good Sunday to you.
A very nice entry friend, there are a lots of fake friends now and it's good your children are anti social and they won't be influenced by them.
Having large families means that there won't be enough privacy for the people there due to the number of people present. I love the small one but won't discriminate people that have large families.
Good luck❤️
Just like you I am fine with big and small families or childless couples. The only thing that counts is that everyone is happy. It will be hard to have some privacy if you are with many.
All the best. 👋🍀
Let me say during the oldies, in Africa, people deliver a lot of kids for economical purposes. The larger your family, the more hands you have on ground to work with in your farm land and make more money..
Thank you for participating in the Steemit Engagement Challenge Season 17 in the Steem Kids and Parents Community.
@wakeupkitty.pal, you have written well on the topic large & small families, likes and dislikes. Your preference is a small family because troubles that come with the large one. I wish you success in this contest my friend.
Beautiful article, The path you said you won’t even one to have a child of your own born into this insecure place got me ❤️. I’m looking forward to reading your articles, Blessings.
Thank you for your time and reading me. 🍀
It's not easy to see your children die in wars that is why you would have preferable chose not to raise children of your own. What if you lived in a place where there was no war? not all places certainly have natural disasters and wars but there may be accidents anyways. Pls ma, raise children there are gifts from God. Just like you I prefer a smaller family size where everyone can be understood even though the number is not a criterion for understanding. We desire to know what our children will turn out to be but based on the training given to them even if they seem to deviate if not completely, they have this inbuilt instruction that there will remain to keep them surviving. You are blessed. Goodluck Ma'am
I have children and raised over 11 foster children but if I had to make the desciscion again it would be a NO. There's not one generation without a war or the effects of war. It's not getting better and it breaks my heart to see my children, all children struggle, the depressions.
I do not feel the need to see my children growing up, have children and even be worried more.
Just like many Asian women I say too: No thanks to marriage and children, what's the point if you already struggle yourself to stay alive?
I hope better and good times will arrive for you.
❤️🍀
Even those without children are worried too, it is just that you have been in their shoes, the fact remains let's appreciate the things we see, you raised 11 foster children is a large number, even though you think a lesser number or none would have been better but have it in mind that it was supposed to be that way. I think making plans would have been better let me see how my turn will be, just as you wish me, I hope for better days, better days for you too.
Perhaps it had to be this way but children should be raised by those who take them not by strangers.
Thank you for your good wishes. 👋🍀
Wow reading your post was super amazing and I felt quite cold, reading and imagining alot of things, I was even imagining how you look like 🥺.
Oh I can you discipline your children to wait as you read a book for an hour before attending to them and they also have no option but to wait by reading books sometimes.
Hmm you prefer to be a single mom if you are to start a fresh, I will say that's creepy 😱☹️. Life must have taught you alot for you to be saying such a thing ma.
You can share with me how you think I look like. 😁
I am a funny, great friend and mom and learned that one man consumes more energy and money than 5 children (if not more) .
If you know you have to deal with everything alone you are prepared. If you think the job will be shared and that doesn't happen it's a huge disappointment and harder.
If we do not learn from life experiences there's no way we improve and we'll always walk in the same circle dealing with the same issues.
You will be surprised how many women say they rather stay single and would never get married again. Both my grandmothers said so (widow at a young age). I asked one and she said: Why should I get married with an old guy, take care of him and let him eat my money. My life is good and my finances are better than as your grandfather was still alive.
I spoke many elderly women in elderly homes and each one of them said the same. Many felt they were forced into marriage, forced to have children and giving up on their dreams.
Scientist say unmarried women live longer than married ones and are happier.
If it comes to men the married man lives longer than the unmarried man.
🤔
Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts.
Greetings froom creepy me 👋🍀❤️
Hello ma, how are you doing today? Yes you are funny and a very great person.
Hmm how does this woman look like.
The women you asked are they in one City or country. Not all women feel the same anyway.
😱🥴 Why involving my grandfather in this? How do you know they are both dead? 😞.
Wow those scientists should be right because I think what they discovered makes alot of sense. Thanks for your reply, I hope to get another soon.
I am not talking about your grandparents but mine.
This is what my grandmother said to me as I asked her why she never remarried. By the way she was born in 1905 spoke several languages and worked for a company..
The women I asked were from everywhere, many elderly. A part was still married others widow for many years. Can be the average old man in this country (esoecially the older ones) complain and command more or perhaps women suffer most from giving up on what they wanted most and the fact they have no freedom, not even if in the bathroom.
With us the need to get married does not exist. Women work and can do as they like. The higher educated the lower the chance they get married.
I saw a docu with Korean and Japanese ladies. They said they can do everything they like and don't need a man so there's no reason to get married unless the man adds something positive to their lives.
The Korean women had poodles or some other tiny dogs with clothes on in a baby stroller 🤐
Women now feel very bad about marriage these days, am unhappy about this and I hope things get better but I have a feeling that things will just get worst 🥺.
Ok I understand is not my grandparents, I miss them though but my grandmother is still alive and I haven't visited her for a long time.
Times change fast these days. The wars are increasing. My friend told me yesterday her daughter had her call to join the army, her son will be the next (not old enough yet).
Girls and women fighting have no time to get married, for pregnancies and raising children.
Now I wonder if my son and daughter will receive that call too, no way they go fight for nazis.
Does your grandmother lives far away? Are you able to visit her? Perhaps you should before it's too late.
🍀❤️
Oh my God ma are you serious, we need to go deeper in this discussion 🤭.
Please are you on discord, what's your discord id
I don't use discord. I wonder if Nexo is interested. Are there more crypto 'banks' providing a card?
The regular banks once gave the opportunity to choose your own print.
I will see what I can find or if Nexo is interested (they don't have many crypto) 🤔
Your post is unique and I feel so emotional as you said if it's possible you will just give birth a one child and remain a single mother just for the safety of your child.
You also said that the world is no longer a safe place, full of war and violence and children are not secure anymore.
Tha k you for sharing your point, good luck to you.
Hi dear,
My grandmother said to me: It's not a time to be pregnant. I was pregnant and wondered why she said that since the survived the war. Can be that was the reason. Today I understand what she meant back then. I am really worried if I think about my children, their life/world is so different than the world my children live in.
I just took the youngest to the village my other daughter lives. She will stay there for 6 months. I hope she will have a better time. At least she met kind people and today she was surprised a man greeted us on the streets and wished us a happy day and another man in his car shouted: you look great as he drove by.
It's good (for me) to know where I am standing, the fact it hurts me if my children suffer or treated badly. The fact is I do have children and I will try to give them a good life. Of course it is their responsibility too to get the best out of it.
A comfort is that no matter the hardships or what the (present) world or future might look like there will always be creative people finding a way to live a good life. If they can do it we can too.
I send you love and a warm embrace. Thank you for reading and sharing your feelings.
Thank you for stopping by.